bootcamp.

graduating tomorrow. Let's gooooo....then on to Tech School...my job is Mental Health...eggzactly what i wanted! So I've heard Tech School is like more fun than college....lets go. I'm ready. BTW I'll be back in Cali on the 26th of Dec.

until then,

Love Cee.

im going crazy (in a bad way).

Ok....so I don't even know where to start, but I'll start here:

Once upon a time I had very little interest in a boy. This boy had major steez, big sexy lips, and all the girls wanted him. I didn't really get why everybody wanted him because I didn't think he was cute. But then after time went by, he grew on me. It didn't help that all my girl friends were in my ear tellin' me how fine he was. So out of boredom, I got with him. Before I got with him, I had a feeling I shouldn't. I don't know what it was, but everytime I thought about it, my heart would race and I would think...its wrong to date this boy, isn't it? I felt like God was telling me not to date him, and I ignored the feelings and did it anyway. After that I suffered for a very long time...Not only was the relationship unsatisfying, but so was everything else in life. I remember having my car break down, having horrible luck with job searching, and just everything I could think of...was going wrong!

Now a year later, I get this same feeling about joining the Air Force. 3 days before I am supposed to ship off, I am depressed because I'm thinking about all the things that were "possible signs" telling me I shouldn't go.

• sign #1: my friend's mother talked to me about and said if i wasn't at peace with it in my heart, I should pray about it
• sign #2: i burned my fingers, which is a reason for them to possibly reject me (which I'm still not sure if they will or won't)
• sign #3: i gained weight so much in 3 months that I went from near the minimum to near the maximum and now if I gain a few more pounds (they won't let me go...which is possible since people want to go out to eat for the last few days)
• sign #4: my period is about to come like in the next few days and when i'm bloaded i put on weight so that could very well contribute to me not going
• sign #5: i spent all day looking for some documents that i needed to go and I couldn't find them...i thought I really wasn't going to be able to go but I found them (only during the time I coulnd't find them i thought it was a sign that I wasn't meant to go)
• sign #6: my pee test must clear to go and that means i can't do any drugs...so i'm afraid if i take pain pills for my period pain, it'll show in my pee and then i won't be able to go

So now after all of this, and now that I have 3 days left...I'm wondering if this is God or if this is the devil. If it's God, its unsettling to me that after all this time, that he would still let me go thorugh all of this. It would be a humongous lesson and completely suck beyond ridiculous compare. I think I would be so mad at God for a long time that I wouldn't even let him use me if I had to stay back home. That's not cool. Like he could use me while I'm making money, getting my life together and becoming an adult. This is soooo unfair!!!!

I'm also wondering if this is the devil, because he might know that this step in my life is going to get me far and is going to make me a better person or catipult me into a better christian walk...and lifestyle. He could be making circumstances work out for the worst for me so that I could break and so that I could turn away from God like how he tested Job when he took everything from him and wondered if he's still going to praise God. Job had it waayyy worst. Job lost his family members...his children died and his wife died and his riches were taken away...all of that and through it all, Job still praised God. But I'm not as strong as Job is and if God is allowing the devil to test me, he must know I'm going to fail. So why even do it in the 1st place.

So rather the test is coming from God or the struggle is dealing with the devil, the devil wins if I don't go to the Air Force. So I need to go...THIS IS SO UNFAIR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so in the next 3 days, I guess we're going to find out if I'm going to be able to go...and man it's going to suck if I don't...you don't even understand how much...like I would almost want to kill myself if I wasn't black lol...

what the eff,

Cee.

5 days.

so in 5 days, I will be shipping off to bootcamp for the U.S. Air Force...

i guess to others its a big deal. but for me, the air force is on a smaller scale of my life.

the excitement lies with starting a new life and being able to do all of these things while i'm young.

i'm ready to just go and get bootcamp over with...ugh. but at the same time use it as my platform to start over...nobody knows who i am...so who i want to be, will be who they know me as,

i'll start over.

lets gooo.
Cee.

I can swirl!

so i was thinkin...i don't think i would mind dating a white boy too much if he looked like this. haha...for a country boy...he's bomb. && yes that is Sawyer from Lost, the show.

hook me up God?

Cee.

Ayda- Gotta Get Out (cover)

I wish I had this kind of talent,

Cee.

new life.

so today my father knocks on my bedroom door and says "so are you ready to go"? I reply, "I guess I have no choice". In about 2 weeks I'll be shipping off to bootcamp and going to San Antonio, Texas. I'll be there for 2 months, and after I'll go somewhere else for job training. I'll be living where my job is and after that I will be living on my own. So basically, at 18 years old I'm moving out! Not only am I moving out, I'm moving to another part of the country, which is harder than a normal 18 year old who moves to the next city and comes back home to do laundry. I don't get to come back to visit for thanksgiving, or christmas and I'll be living in another state for at least 6 months before they tell me where I'll be living permanentaly...or at least until I get deployed (possibly). So, despite the fact that I'm leaving in 2 weeks and some days, I haven't packed a single thing. I guess I figure, one I start packing, its official. I'm extremely bored out of my mind at home but I'm still not ready to leave. I'll miss teaming up with my sister to clown my parentals...and I'll miss fighting my little sis. I'll miss it all. I'm going to be all alone, in another state and on my own. It's an exciting, yet scary thought. I'm very anxious to leave but would be lying if I said I'm not ready to go...

I'm just ready for a new beginning.

Always,

Cee.

Tyra: A BIG LET Down.

So, it is rumored that Tyra Banks hires a set of cast members to say the outrageous comments we often hear on the Tyra show. Things like, "I don't see myself as black and I don't like black people", even though the lady saying it is the blackest person we've all seen. Well recent reports say that Tyra finds these people from casting websites and hires them to say the things they do for ratings. Check out what one of the former talk show workers said :

I know I am hated all over right now. But as someone who is on this website I hope you understand that this was for televison purposes only..We were told how to act and what characters to portray. I am not done with the Tyra yet I will be going back. I have been in contact with other members who were on the show and we constantly talk about how the producers never warned us about the out come, but we knew already but still it would have been cool if they warned us. We were put on the show to bring in great ratings and that’s what we did despite us looking like total as*holes.. Trust me I am hurt by what I have said and all of the peoples feelings I’ve hurt but i am no where close to how I was portrayed on the show. My best friend is darkskin and I call him my brother...He recently made a video response saying how its crazy what people have to do just to get seen but i told him not to post it because I did sign a contract with the show and i didnt read it so I dont want to be sued….You should know the show is scripted. There are plenty of the other cast members on this site. Many of the cast members were picked off of acting websites and they are really great people. I KNOW IT SUCKS WHAT I DID BUT ALL OF US WERE DESPERATE TO GET OUR START AND FACES SEEN. I will be doing plenty of other things soon

That is such a let down. I looked up to Tyra because I thought she was making moves. The people that were on her show seemed to be very
closed minded people or people with low self esteem, but instead of Tyra really
opening their eyes, she's just paying them to make it appear as so. This is such
a dissapointment! Dang, Tyra why did you have to be so greedy. I mean she
already does so much already, is it necessary to be so deceitful for money. But
I guesss that's Hollywood and it's how we all survive right? SMH of the DAY.

this is ridiculous,

Cee.

on blast.

so i was on myspace music today about to type in Judacamp...because they were this really cool group of young people that showed their talents at takeover church service today. But in the process I saw my ex's face down in featured artists. It made me do some thinking...and to say he was a great boyfriend when i had the chance i'm so grateful he was in my life when he was and that i'm no longer with him. While we were together he was the sweetest thing...soo sweet in fact i called him Sweetz haha. I learned very good life lessons from him, such as be yourself and don't care what people think of you. That is what helped me not to drink and not to smoke because we were always the couple that came to the party and would be sober and didn't touch the weed. This has shaped me to have good life habits and healthy ones but Boy am I glad I broke up with that nigga long ago! Who he has become is completely different from what I have come to be. We are in opposite directions and now in completely opposite worlds. AND I'm glad to be in this one with Christ than in his with all the sex, the money, the fame, and unecessary sin. If I were to stay with him...i may be involved in all that. I mean he is definitely his own individual but it appears he looks up to Lil' Wayne way too much. && as a personal concern, I just wish he'd look up to Jesus. When all is said and done I've got to thank him for his time in my life...but I still do care enough about him to pray for him and I want you guys to do so too. Continue to pray for him that he realizes that there's more to life than cars, boppas, and mula. I personally don't think he'll ever care, but if there's any hope, I'd like to salvage it. && pray for those I care for. It just hurts to see those who I love (really love) fall. & they don't know they are bc in their eyes their successful but in God's eyes, not so much.

In my prayers young one,

Dmplz.

17!

omg I absolutely love this girl's style. I wonder where she finds these things...i would soooo wear this. It's my style to the T! I love ALMOST everything this girl wears...charlie B -->theartofcharlie.blogspot.com. =D.

anxious,

Cee.

why is it everytime i go to the library...

somebody is getting ARRESTED? lol. This is ridiculous. && you would think in harmless little Lomita, this kind of trouble wouldn't come to an arrest in the front of Lomita Library...but sadly and surely it did. SMH.

Dude's bike got flipped over, got searched and everything. I am willing to guess he must have had a large sum of drugs on him...idk. Anywho...I just thought I'd share what I caught with you today.

On the flip side,

[Cee].

16.

i love her style.

Cee.

my day.

i thought this giant Vans shoe was dope. I want one in my room haha.

so i went out with Ezz and Orc today...nice long day of shopping! but I didn't get much on account of I'm on a budget ( a tight one) until October 13th. Oh yeah, so my date of departure is October 13th, and I'm off to the Air Force in San Antonio, Texas. Crazy huh? yeah...anywho back to the day. Ezz is experiencing her 1st week of real independence with her new car and a lisence. Its such a relief not to have to drive and pick everybody else...now Ezz gets to do it haha!

welp this computer is really messin' up right now so i'm going to call this the end of my blog...ugh.














until later,

Cee.

quince.

mmm red,

Cee.

coo weekend with Jojo and Bree. I love them. Shopping in Mexico City (Wilmas haha), morning run and bike ride, breakfast with blueberry muffins, great spaghetti and meatballs, chillin on the patio with hot fries and hot cheeto puffs, friday night movies...nice chill weekend with these kids.

satisfied,

Cee.

I Love GRITS!

I mean the rap group. haha. They are called G.R.I.T.S. Super beat. The only thing I can say is you HAVE TO GO check them out. I'm stuck on their song called "Be Mine" right now. Just go listen to them...NOW.

inspired,

Cee.

smh at LBC in its entirety.

so i was walkin downtown in Long Beach because parking can be such a pain. && I see the po-po --a trail of like 5 cop cars-- chasing this old white cadillac. I think some people were whispering that the car was stolen lol. So this old white man was driving all wild as if it were hot wired and this mexican dude got out the car too. Hilarious. Of course it would be in Long Beach. This is not the 1st time I have written about LBC because there's always something crazy going on down there.

so not only did this happen, but in the same day, in the same 5 minutes I'm about to cross the street right? && this man is just standing in the middle of the street on the train tracks. The lights kept changing but he wouldn't move. He was just posing as if people should take a picture of him. I'm thinking "what is he doing". Only in Long Beach. Look:

strike a pose.

and no that is not all. Within the same 5 minutes I see this hideous lime green truck with lime green wheels. I'm thinkin' I got enough chaos captured on film today so I couldn't catch it in time. But sadly the car made a u-turn cuz they were trynna holla. So when they came back around I took a picture of the back but I had to wait for them to get behind me because I was not trynna stop and talk to these old, ignorant, geezers!

It just wouldn't end. I saw this girl from a distance and I thought she had a cute blue and beige scarf to the side. I got closer to discover that it was blonde and bright blue braids. Come on girl. We need to do better. Colored braids? Can you get a job with blue braids...like. sheesh. smh to the fullest extent to LBC, where doo-doo's, crackheads, and old geezers can call it home.

Cee.

everybody's leaving.

so Moriah is gone today. Poor thing; Great thing. Really this kidd has been such an inspiration to my life. I have desired to be a much greater christian just observing his walk. I started to read my bible more and study it on my own time which is something I would have never thought to do before. I also learned that kindness goes beyond your immediate circle. Of course because of the many things I learn in Soulfood Bible Study (400 florence ave, inglewood 90301 @ 7:30 on tuesday nights), I can't give him all the credit. However, I must say that he was in my life for a reason and I'm glad to know I picked up that lesson early on. Like I said in one of those earlier posts, I believe every person is put in your life for a reason. It takes me a little longer than others to figure that reason out, but nonetheless I still believe so. So now Moriah is gone out of my life besides the distant comments of facebook and aim. He's off to college on the other side of the country. Have fun at Tuskagee bro. && don't forget my bomb cake lol. (really guys i make bomb cake). I know that God has your back and all things will work together for the good (Romans 8:28) and that your purpose will be fulfilled. Stay in Christ bro.

much love,

Cee.

next hairstyle.

&& im going back to this. & I had this way before Rihanna decided to cut hers off. Just thought I'd let you know.

retired fashionista,

Cee.

numero 14.

charlie B! theartofcharlie.blogspot.com

Cee.

hatin'. lol.

oh no.

cee.

Orcim!!!

aww my dear Orc. Just thought this was cute. Well her name is Micro but I call her Orcim cuz its micro backwards...see...but 4 short Orc...and she calls me Ellet (same concept) haha. Anywho this kidd is soooo freaggin coo. Just thought I'd let ya know.

Cee.

13.

i'm a huge fan of bows.

cee.

to travel. to live.

switzerland fall.

barcelona hotel.


ireland cottage.

baltimore ireland

so the air force is going to be an oppurtunity i look forward to taking advantage of. I want to travel to these places...Ireland. Spain. Switzerland? haha. It's gonna be a fun 4 years ahead.

quite anxious,

Cee.

breathing in adele.

interpret as you please.

cee.

pretty wings better than maxwell much?

so i was reading this blogspot, welcometotheswaggatory.blogspot.com, and this kidd put these 2 videos to ask who sang Maxwell's Pretty Wings better. This one won by far! but feel free to look at the other boy if you want...just go to that blog above.


dang,

Cee,

Friday afternoon adventures.

so me and my beloved JoJo and Bree went to Santa Monica to the promenade to do a lil shoppin, sippin Jamba, and eatin'. It was quite a day lol. Well the plan initially was to pick Joseph up at noon and then go to Carson to pick up this radio from my friend Kita, then on to Santa Monica. But the day took a left turn lol. What had happened was...

so I aimed Kita on my way to JoJo's house saying I'd be there within the hour...she said coo. So I get to Jojo's house and he said "1 minute, there's a overflow in the bathroom" (hey it happens). So I said ok meanwhile trying to decide if I should wear this dress I had on with leggings or without them. So I asked him if there was full length mirror in the house and there was so I went in. So when I got in there lol; I was in the room but I heard JoJo and Debra (his sis) in the bathroom like "oooo, my back hurts. This is too much", meanwhile water is splashing lol. I'm in the room dying...so but I asked if they need help. I dialed the plumber's number and it is now going on 1230. so the plumber said he'll be there between 1 and 2. but i lost service so I couldn't even tell Kita I wasn't gonna be there when I said I would. So the 3 of us are in the house waitin for the plumber...he gets there at 120. so then he sees us and walks back out the house and said he's going to call the manager real quick. THIS NIGGA DIDNT COME BACK. So we had to call somebody else...and wait lol. 2 o clock approaches and here comes the plumber (good thing i have patience). So then they are fixin the issue and Aunt Pearl comes over so me and Jo can be out and I head to Kita's house. By this time its like 240 or somethin and I lost service in the house so I erased the convo with Kita and those had the directions. so I'm over in Carson lookin for her car on the street I remembered she said and those streets in Carson are so confusing. So then i remember Charles told me he lived near there so I take a visit to his house. haha. I'm driving around later and I happen to find her car so I walk up to her house like 315 and she's like "girl you said in the hour" lol. Ooops. so then Bree finally decides to text us after we been trying to reach her for like a week and tells us she's down the street. so I go get her and off we are to santa monica...with ridiculous traffic so we get there at like 4 somethin. sheesh.

Nonetheless we had fun! We had some good conversations and some good laughs and also some entertainment. There were these boys dancing in the middle of the alley way:

then we went to Christian's house...thats the homieee! && after we went back to Jo's. What a day.

feeling loved,

Cee.

haha. Best I Ever Had white boy.

i just thought this was cute haha.

Cee.

P.S. These too:

Jesus!

incomplete,

Cee.

remember O'ryan?

oryan is so bomb....mmmmmm. whoever wasn't up on omarion's brother when omarion was out was trippin...cuz this nigga is bomb! I'm just sayin.....sheesh. Look at that. But he had to go and have a baby and Love of HIS Life with Jhene...Lil' Fizz's cousin. ugh. No hope haha.

y e sss,

Cee.

:::sigh::: 12.

i'd rock.

cee.

2 much gurl.

ok so do you remember that serious crush that i told you about a while ago? well its in one of those blog archives on the side lol that is titled serious crush. so i've been in and out of contact with this serious crush for a while now...like a few months and remember when I expressed my anger about this "other girl" snatching him up before I could??...well apparently this relationship isn't making her too happy. so a few months ago, God revealed that this crush DEFINITELY wasn't the one for me and i'm so glad he did, because this girl be going through too much. LOL. I mean I don't know her very well besides the fact that I think she is very pretty. Other than that, I have observed that she gets extra emotional and constantly complains about their relationship through blogs. I feel somewhat sorry for the gal, but I'm also happy she is the one dealing and not I. But it is just funny how she has suspected him of cheating, how she feels like she must conform to please him, and how she feels unappreciated. Now some girls just make up stuff in their head and I'm not saying she is putting this all on herself, but sometimes when you get into the relationship you have to show your full self from the start so that the other person knows who you really are. Not reveal yourself little by little, because you will be frustrated --just like o' girl-- that anytime your true self shows, he doesn't understand or seem to fully accept the true you. So the funny thing about all of this is...I wanted this guy so bad, at a point and time. && i feel bad to say it but it kind of gives me satisfaction to know that this relationship was a failure. "is that because I couldn't have him"...idk. but its funny and I'mma need o' girl to let that crap go. Either he is making her miserable in this relationship, or she is putting to much of a strain on herself over loving this guy. No love should ever make you feel the way this girl says she feels. With that said: "boo, you need to let that go!"



silently laughing with guilt,



Cee.

##*#@&@!&^&*(Z(^%

ugh!!!!!!!! my father erased my pics of the last day i spent with the twins! ugh! I'm so mad right now ...I can't even keep typing! grrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!


ugh,

Cee.

orphan.

omg this movie was the Beeee....Iiiiiiii! who came up with that story? That crap was too tight lol. well I just finished watching it and it is now 12:28 am. So I have no doubt that this movie will manifest itself into my dreams bc my dreams have been doing that a lot lately. welp...what a dream i'll have 2night.

Cee.

so they left.

iits been a week since my twins left me to go onto the navy. I couldn't even write about it the day of because I was too sad to do anything. I just went to sleep so I wouldn't have to think about things for a while. i like sleep. It helps me escape reality for while and sometimes my dreams are much more exciting than life for the day--be it that i sometimes sleep in the middle of the day. Anywho...back to the twins...I really enjoyed their company. They went with me to church every sunday and reup every friday and anytime we heard about events we could do with our church peeps...they were there. Of course I wouldn't want to go anywhere alone, and they were always there to suffice. I think it mostly started bc they didn't have anywhere to go and no money, so anytime anyone would hit them up with somethin' to do, they would be down...simply because they had nothing better to do. But when they came to reup I really think they liked that church...cuz for 1 there are some bomb niggas...and for 2 its a comfortable environment to be in where people don't have to act like they aren't doing anything wrong in their Christian walk, including the leadership figures. So being there felt real, and i believe thats why they liked it so much and kept coming back. && everyone was so cool too...on top of that...so now that they are gone...imma have to do all these things by myself. && i'm trying to find all this stuff to do that isn't disrespectful to God and I don't have many friends that would be accepting to the idea of going to church or an event at church and enjoying themselves. The fact of the matter is young people who aren't into church are into other things. && personally from going to parties to church events myself...i think its all in the head. You know when you go to a "sus" party and you just do whatever to make it fun...well its the same at a church event. I try to find ones with young black people, just because black people know how to have fun. && usually I'm never let down. I do go for the word of course, but its always better to be able to laugh or dance or 2 step or socialize. So in essence, whatever you want to be fun can be fun and that is exactly the mindstate I have when I go to church. && when you have fun, you attract fun people...who will be willing to be around you more often. && So thankfully I have attracted some cool christian associates. I can't exactly say they are my friends yet, but we are getting there...and that's better than being alone period. You feel?

anywho...back to the twins...lol. I just don't even know if I'll ever see them again...and I hope so. I hope I get to come back to California. && I hope they get stationed in San Diego or something near and we can, on occassion, see each other. They are truly great people. Not often do I come across patient people like them. Laleisha and Jeanetta are the most real, loving, down-to-earth people I have met in a long time. Especially considering that they are from California, bc no offense to you Cali kids, but a lot of people in Cali are so FAKE! I don't know if its in the air or if its because Hollywood and its dramatics crosses over to the people around the greater Los Angeles county...but most people out here are just that...fake! && i didn't realize this until somebody told me they like me because I keep it real. I'm thinking "well how else are you supposed to keep it" lol. but then when I met people like Janea and my boss and many others along the way...i realized that people here just lie for no reason. They try to smile in your face and act a certain way but then behind your back they talk. I know now that throughout life, you will meet many people like this. But quite frankly I think this is because we live in California and that's how people are here. Competitive, selfish, and inconsiderate seem to be the main qulaities of many that live here. I have family in the south who don't even have inconsiderate in their vocabulary. && I also come from Dayton, Ohio where inconsiderate is common but at least they're real about everything. If your breath stinks they will tell you. If you go on a date and it didn't go well, they will tell you. If they just want to sex you, they will tell you straight up. I had to learn to keep my mouth shut about a lot when I came here because to them, its insensitive, but in Ohio, its just being real. && nobody takes offense because they know wassup. Anywho i do have to admit that I had selfish issues but I have been working on them very hard and I have to be proud of myself because I have come along way. I give much much more than I receive. But at the same time, I can never give as much as God gives and he blesses me way beyond my deserving and much more than I can ever repay him back for.

well I just happened to feel like talking right now so...i know you probably didn't really read that all...but its there for another day if you feel like you want to read it lol.

with scattered thoughts,

Cee.

So I would really like to find a dress like this. More importantly, this whole look with the blazers and long sleeves rolled on the ends is becoming more popular. && ii like it. So I think I’m going to have to cop a blazer and a cute shirt to cuff undernearth. My fashion sense is coming back to me. So I’ve been away for a year and a half. I still got some good stuff in my closet. I sure do…so I think I’mma be back on it for the next few months until I leave for the air force. Or maybe I should just wait until I come back because my body most likely will be thinner and I’ll have to buy new clothes. Plus I’ll have all this money in the bank anyways…so I can’t wait until then. OOOO I can’t wait…I’m going on a shopping spree. It’s gonna feel mmm mmm good. But not a huge shopping spree, like the twins said they would do. Maybe like $1,000. No more…but yeah. I can’t wait for my life to begin.

to my surprise,

Cee.