so they left.

iits been a week since my twins left me to go onto the navy. I couldn't even write about it the day of because I was too sad to do anything. I just went to sleep so I wouldn't have to think about things for a while. i like sleep. It helps me escape reality for while and sometimes my dreams are much more exciting than life for the day--be it that i sometimes sleep in the middle of the day. Anywho...back to the twins...I really enjoyed their company. They went with me to church every sunday and reup every friday and anytime we heard about events we could do with our church peeps...they were there. Of course I wouldn't want to go anywhere alone, and they were always there to suffice. I think it mostly started bc they didn't have anywhere to go and no money, so anytime anyone would hit them up with somethin' to do, they would be down...simply because they had nothing better to do. But when they came to reup I really think they liked that church...cuz for 1 there are some bomb niggas...and for 2 its a comfortable environment to be in where people don't have to act like they aren't doing anything wrong in their Christian walk, including the leadership figures. So being there felt real, and i believe thats why they liked it so much and kept coming back. && everyone was so cool too...on top of that...so now that they are gone...imma have to do all these things by myself. && i'm trying to find all this stuff to do that isn't disrespectful to God and I don't have many friends that would be accepting to the idea of going to church or an event at church and enjoying themselves. The fact of the matter is young people who aren't into church are into other things. && personally from going to parties to church events myself...i think its all in the head. You know when you go to a "sus" party and you just do whatever to make it fun...well its the same at a church event. I try to find ones with young black people, just because black people know how to have fun. && usually I'm never let down. I do go for the word of course, but its always better to be able to laugh or dance or 2 step or socialize. So in essence, whatever you want to be fun can be fun and that is exactly the mindstate I have when I go to church. && when you have fun, you attract fun people...who will be willing to be around you more often. && So thankfully I have attracted some cool christian associates. I can't exactly say they are my friends yet, but we are getting there...and that's better than being alone period. You feel?

anywho...back to the twins...lol. I just don't even know if I'll ever see them again...and I hope so. I hope I get to come back to California. && I hope they get stationed in San Diego or something near and we can, on occassion, see each other. They are truly great people. Not often do I come across patient people like them. Laleisha and Jeanetta are the most real, loving, down-to-earth people I have met in a long time. Especially considering that they are from California, bc no offense to you Cali kids, but a lot of people in Cali are so FAKE! I don't know if its in the air or if its because Hollywood and its dramatics crosses over to the people around the greater Los Angeles county...but most people out here are just that...fake! && i didn't realize this until somebody told me they like me because I keep it real. I'm thinking "well how else are you supposed to keep it" lol. but then when I met people like Janea and my boss and many others along the way...i realized that people here just lie for no reason. They try to smile in your face and act a certain way but then behind your back they talk. I know now that throughout life, you will meet many people like this. But quite frankly I think this is because we live in California and that's how people are here. Competitive, selfish, and inconsiderate seem to be the main qulaities of many that live here. I have family in the south who don't even have inconsiderate in their vocabulary. && I also come from Dayton, Ohio where inconsiderate is common but at least they're real about everything. If your breath stinks they will tell you. If you go on a date and it didn't go well, they will tell you. If they just want to sex you, they will tell you straight up. I had to learn to keep my mouth shut about a lot when I came here because to them, its insensitive, but in Ohio, its just being real. && nobody takes offense because they know wassup. Anywho i do have to admit that I had selfish issues but I have been working on them very hard and I have to be proud of myself because I have come along way. I give much much more than I receive. But at the same time, I can never give as much as God gives and he blesses me way beyond my deserving and much more than I can ever repay him back for.

well I just happened to feel like talking right now so...i know you probably didn't really read that all...but its there for another day if you feel like you want to read it lol.

with scattered thoughts,

Cee.